I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize