its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
