but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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