ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize