I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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