I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
