I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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