doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
