dude i'm inner monologue high
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
