I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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