evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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