it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
