That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
