My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
