Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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