i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
