can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
