i permit you to call me
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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