We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
