this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she looked like the before picture.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Randomize
