literally had 100 drinks last night.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
