This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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