I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize