Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
