OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
