I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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