So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
