I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
