I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
