That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
