First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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