is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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