you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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