Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
