i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize