Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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