after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
