i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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