We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
operation harelip BJ is a go
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You need a sexual gate keeper
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
