i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
