thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
