we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We need to get me chipped asap
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
