he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize