Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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