WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
