the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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