'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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