You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
