Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
