It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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