I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
