I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
