there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
