Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
