What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
