While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
