the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
