Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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