____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
