dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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