I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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