I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
