After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
