So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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