ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
