True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
