we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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