Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
