Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she peed on how many people?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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