I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
