Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we're making bets on your personal life
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
