my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
