I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize