I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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