i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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