God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
