That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
