There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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