Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
