Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
