don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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