Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
