i think my mom watched the whole time
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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