sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
