Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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