who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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