and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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