Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
