i'm signing you up for texting rehab
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
