So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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