just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
