The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
