my phone needs a breathalizer
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
