He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
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