I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
