So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
