I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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