I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
