I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
