it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
