My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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