just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Are we still banned from the library?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
